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If You Were Given One Wish…
Isn't This the Kind of Marriage You'd Want?
Lee and I think of our relationship as if we had two bank accounts in a "relationship bank." He has an account with me, and I have an account with him.
Every time one of us does something nice for the other, it's like making a “goodwill” deposit in that person's bank account. But if a person does something irritating to the partner, it's like making a goodwill withdrawal from their account.
We have a goal of maintaining a positive balance with each other on a daily basis. Every single day, we want to make bigger deposits than withdrawals with each other. By making sure our accounts with each other are never "overdrawn," we keep our marriage healthy.
Using this method, when you've built up large positive reserves of goodwill with each other, your relationship is in good shape. That way, when you need to ask for extra understanding or patience from your spouse, you have enough goodwill accumulated in your account to cover the request.
What Lee and I get from this system is we feel motivated to put frequent deposits into our account with the other person. Deposits can be strokes of affection, a gesture of respect, an acknowledgement for something the other has done, or some kind of compliment to the other person.
Yes, it takes some effort to establish the habit of making goodwill deposits on a daily basis. But building up large goodwill reserves with each other feels so good that it's addictive. Once you get started it feeds upon itself! And as you repeat making your deposits with your partner, you condition yourself and you condition the relationship itself.
You find your marriage spiraling upward to heights you never imagined. You will find that as you apply this and my other recommendations, you'll notice that you are bonding more to your partner. Emotional intimacy is enhanced, mutual respect is increased, and sex becomes better. And aren't those the things that you really want?
Every time one of us does something nice for the other, it's like making a “goodwill” deposit in that person's bank account. But if a person does something irritating to the partner, it's like making a goodwill withdrawal from their account.
We have a goal of maintaining a positive balance with each other on a daily basis. Every single day, we want to make bigger deposits than withdrawals with each other. By making sure our accounts with each other are never "overdrawn," we keep our marriage healthy.
Using this method, when you've built up large positive reserves of goodwill with each other, your relationship is in good shape. That way, when you need to ask for extra understanding or patience from your spouse, you have enough goodwill accumulated in your account to cover the request.
What Lee and I get from this system is we feel motivated to put frequent deposits into our account with the other person. Deposits can be strokes of affection, a gesture of respect, an acknowledgement for something the other has done, or some kind of compliment to the other person.
Yes, it takes some effort to establish the habit of making goodwill deposits on a daily basis. But building up large goodwill reserves with each other feels so good that it's addictive. Once you get started it feeds upon itself! And as you repeat making your deposits with your partner, you condition yourself and you condition the relationship itself.
You find your marriage spiraling upward to heights you never imagined. You will find that as you apply this and my other recommendations, you'll notice that you are bonding more to your partner. Emotional intimacy is enhanced, mutual respect is increased, and sex becomes better. And aren't those the things that you really want?
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